How to Annoy Over Enthusiastic Quidditch Captains
by polka-dotted-pengiuns
Summary: Number 7. Beat over enthusiastic captain over the head with a broomstick. Blame it on a bludger. Repeat.


**25 Ways to Annoy Your Over Enthusiastic Quidditch Captain**

Hoist said captains Quidditch boxers up on the highest goal post, fix in place with a permanent sticking charm. Proceed to point and laugh.

Invite moaning Myrtle to a practice. Tell off over enthusiastic Quidditch captain for making her upset. Spend the rest of the practice consoling the poor ghost.

Play a rousing game of 'Let's see who can poke the bludger the longest before getting grievously injured.' Yell at the captain when he breaks up the game, lecture him about ruining your fun.

Lie back on you broom and point out how 'That cloud looks like a rhinoceros,' during one of the oh so common rant sessions. Laugh as his face turns purple, and tell him that he looks like a blueberry.

In the middle of running a play, stop the whole practice with loud wailing and sobbing, tell the rest of the team you lost your pet toad, spend the rest of the practice searching for the nonexistent animal.

Beat over enthusiastic Quidditch captain over the head with a broom stick. Blame it on a bludger. Repeat.

Post signs all over the school offering a reward for the return of the captain's stuffed quaffle Gerald. Be sure to describe how deeply it is missed and how said captain can't get to sleep with out it. Be prepared to run. Fast. Hand out fliers as you do so.

Levitate a Quidditch magazine in front of the over enthusiastic Quidditch captains face, use it to lure him into the broom shed. Lock him in. Proceed to sit outside the door and talk about how you need to get a manicure for the rest of practice.

Interrupt said captain's favorite story of how he heroically dodged a plane and still managed to save the game to ask the captain if he found Gerald yet. Proceed to inform him that you're looking and you _know _that he gets horrible nightmares without Gerald to cuddle with but you're sure he'll turn up. Be sure to do this in a very public place with the rest of the 'search party.' Hand out more fliers with tampered pictures of him and 'Gerald' sleeping.

Agree with every one of the referee's calls. It works.

Be annoyingly peppy on the day of a big game. Explain in great detail how it's 'just a game' and 'it doesn't matter if we win or lose, only that we tried our best,' and 'we're _all_ winners inside' watch in amusement as that vein in his neck begins to throb.

Cancel his subscription to Quidditch Weekly. Do not feel guilty as he begins to show signs of withdrawl.

Claim loudly that Quidditch books are a waste of time and trees when you could be reading trashy paperbacks off the sale rack in the grocery store.

Inform them that you know this great anger management coach…

Take away the over enthusiastic Quidditch captains broom until he 'can learn to control himself better.' Do not be surprised when he

A) Hits you

B) Sits down and begins to cry for his broom

or

C) Yells even louder.

Hijack his wand and cast a strong silencing spell. Proceed to mock him with questions such as 'what?' 'Can't hear you?' or 'can you speak up a bit?' laugh as he stalks off in a huff.

Hex the quaffles to refuse to go through the goal posts at all costs. Watch over enthusiastic Quidditch captain throw things in anger.

Replace the snitch with a walnut covered in gold paint.

Convince him that Quidditch was canceled for the year. Watch as he yells at a teacher in front of the schools and makes a complete fool of himself in front of many people. Run away.

Push him off his broom.

Organize a 'Team building campfire night,' and mistake broom sticks for firewood. Roast marshmallows over the burning equipment and watch the over enthusiastic Quidditch captain's eye twitch.

Hex all the balls to weigh 300 pounds each. Watch in amusement as the captain tries to continue the practice.

Use your top of the line racing broom to sweep the floor of the great hall during breakfast. Laugh at the faces he makes while he tries to keep from strangling you in front of witnesses.

Play a great season despite your little jokes, and win the cup, giving him no reason to yell at you afterward. This will torment said captain more than anything else you can do. Have a huge party and thank your coach in the common room.

Just a little thing I decided to write when I couldn't sleep and I thought a few of them were amusing. I'd like to know if you think so too. Hint hint. I was thinking on adding ways to annoy your teachers but I'm not sure.


End file.
